This has been a very difficult post for me to write.
So difficult, in fact, that it's taken me almost three months.
We lost dad after a very short, and very intense, battle with cancer this past March.
We noticed he was losing weight in November, but he kept brushing off questions saying that work had been busier than usual and he was simply tired, not sleeping much, etc. from the stress. By December we were all very worried and convinced him to talk to his doctor and schedule some tests. They discovered esophageal cancer in early January, and on February 4th he was admitted to Roswell Park Cancer Institute.
He spent almost the entire month of February in Roswell making no forward progress whatsoever. The doctors at Roswell hadn't even managed to stage his cancer or discuss treatment options. In fact, we saw his ordering physician only once the entire month, and that was on the day he was admitted.
Dad became increasingly frustrated with his lack of progress. As days ticked by he kept saying how he just wanted to come home. In the end, he decided that he would rather give up the tubes and the tests. He wanted to die with dignity.
He was released from Roswell to home on March 3rd. But after only eight short hours at home, Hospice sent an ambulance to pick him up. He was deteriorating quickly. He was in an out of lucidity while at Hospice. Luckily, March 5th (my mother's birthday) was a good day. He was awake and even sang happy birthday to mom. Everyone had a chance to say goodbye. A few days later he died in his sleep.
This is still one of my favourite pictures of me and dad. It was taken at my brother's wedding in 2008 after he dragged me onto the dance floor. We laughed the entire time.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him. It is, of course, so much harder for mom, who hasn't been without him since they met almost 50 years ago. I've been spending as much time with mom as I can, helping out around the house, cooking her dinner, visiting, etc. I hope time will help ease the sorrow she feels.
I haven't had time, energy, nor the urge to craft since sometime last year. And honestly, I don't know if I ever will. I've managed to get out and garden a bit this year. It's a great stress reliever and makes me think of dad a lot.
I've thought of closing the blog down permanently. But then I thought of how it's really been a running commentary of my life at any given time. So I decided to leave it open. Maybe I will use it as a sounding board for whatever is on my mind. I may still share photos of the garden or whatever is going on with you, too.
And please, if you can, keep my mother in your thoughts to help ease her sorrow.
Oh Tracy, I am so sorry. I do feel your pain and I know the feeling. I lost my mom in March, too, after very short fight with cancer. It's hard thing to deal with. I was able to take her back to Europe in January and that was the last time I saw her. She died in her sleep, too. I am sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!